Oh, What a Cruel, Cruel World

I have received karmic retalliation for my recent post that talked smack about a poker player I encountered in the Wil Wheaton tournament. I either have very mild food poisoning, or a hellatious stomach virus. See, two days ago I started having really intense lower back pains accompanied by stomach cramps right below my sternum. Over a two day period, the back pains slowly moved from my lower back to middle to upper to lower again. The stomach pains sometimes felt like really really strong gas pains, other times they felt like such intense hunger pains that I almost vomited. On the way to school this morning, the pains started coming in short bursts that made me feel like my face was going to melt and I was going to pass out. Then it started - the rumbling sounds.

It sounded and felt as if Zool from Ghostbusters and the stomach alien from Alien had procreated and used my tummy as an incubator. I could hear rumbling sounds start in my upper stomach, and the sounds zigzagged back and forth through all upper and lower intestines. But I never passed gas, didn't feel the urge to poo. Just really awful pains and sounds. Until about two hours later, when I was really, really glad there was a public restroom with a bountiful supply of t.p. I will spare you the details.