I Am Guitar Hero

So I've spent some time visiting family during the holidays, and my 16 year old cousin introduced me to something more addictive than crack. It's a video game called Guitar Hero.

When I first heard the title of the game I thought the same thing as you... "What a friggin' gay name for a video game! My cousin is a dweeb." And those thoughts were confirmed when I walked into the pungent pizzabox-dirtyundies-axebodyspray aroma of a teenage boy's bedroom and saw him "playing" this tiny red toy Les Paul guitar.

And, since dweebness runs in the family, I was immediately intrigued and convinced the cousin to let me have a chance to show my shredding skills.

Turned out, it's a really friggin' awesome game, and it's pretty challenging. It looks like it's for 5 year olds, but the whole family was taking turns at it and everyone was having great fun. It's geared toward people of all ages, which is apparent by the song list. See, you've got this toy guitar with five colored buttons, and you get to choose one of many songs on one of several challenge levels - and then the "notes" scroll on the screen as you hit the appropriate button while strumming at just the right rhythm. It's like a light version of playing tablature. Back to the song list... you can choose from songs by such artists as KISS, Sting, Boston, Stray Cats, Nirvana, Alice in Chains, Pretenders, Franz Ferdinand, Rage Against the Machine, and of course Skynyrd... So you see? There's music to appeal to anyone from 5 years old to 50 years old.

I don't have a playstation. What I do have is an Xbox 360. And I happen to be privy to the information that an Xbox version is coming out in February! WOOO!!!

I can't be modest here. The family took turns playing the game, and I ROCKED. Consistently. I rocked so hard that the 16 year old cousin asked me to keep playing. And we all know how hard it is to pry a controller away from the hands of a gaming teenager. I got the big head and started playing everything on the medium setting instead of easy.

Jason wouldn't try it, because he knew I'd show him up.

He seemed pretty shocked that I was decent at it. Because Jason didn't know me back when I was a bass player. Yeah, I was in some rock bands in high school. Pretty shitty ones, true. But I was the token female bass player in a band of boys - twice. Played talent shows and Battle of the Bands. I retired my bass playing crown when I let someone borrow my bass and amp and she moved away. I could get it back if I want but I lost interest. I don't want to be in a band and it's boring sitting around playing bass licks by yourself. But this new Guitar Hero thing, see, it's a challenge and it's fun and you can do it without a band. Cool.

Apparently there's a troop of teenage boys who hang out in the electronics section of Wal-Mart and play the display Guitar Hero. And apparently there's like this hierarchy of the little punks, like a gang. When JimmyBob shows up and cracks his knuckles, you better step the fuck off and let him shred. Otherwise you'll get whooped up on.

My aunt said I need to go on the Wal-Mart tour, showing up these little punk bastards. Because they all need to know...

I AM GUITAR HERO.